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This blog is about music videos. If you want to know what I think of the songs, you can find my exciting and witty opinions at The Singles Jukebox.





Islands - Rough Gem.

From the suggestion box: Apparently in the Russian-dubbed version of Spaceballs, John Candy’s half-man half-dog (‘mawg’) character Barf translated as “chelobakka”, a portmanteau of words “chelovek” (a man) and “sobaka” (a dog), spoofing the name Chewbacca. Wikipedia is so useful sometimes!

This video details what happens on John Candy’s home planet when precocious younger members of the species take it upon themselves to infiltrate the national space programme by means of INDIE. Let this serve as a warning to anyone thinking of making a Spaceballs Holiday Special.

(suggested by Seb)

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Estelle ft Kardinal Offishall - Freak.

Perhaps 2010 is going to be the year of videos in SPACE? Or at least white lights stuck on a black curtain? N-Dubz and Gabriella Cilmi are now joined by Estelle, who is successfully proving her co-ordination credentials at 1.55 by standing on one leg and holding her opposite ear at the same time. Call NASA, we’ve got a new recruit!

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N-Dubz - Say It’s Over.

Time for some serious space adventures as we join N-Dubz in the SS Dyson. We know it’s serious because at 1.06 Tulisa holds up some knuckledusters in the shape of the song title without cracking up into hysterics.

Also thanks to N-Dubz I now know that (i) if you are flying through space at treble the speed of light it is still necessary to take your Renault with you (ii) the intergalactic symbol of breaking up with someone is to give them a BLACK ROSE that then spontaneously combusts.

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Gabriella Cilmi - On A Mission.

If there was one person who I wasn’t expecting to join a hi-nrg space vixen sychronised swimming team this year it was Gabriella, but good luck to her. She’ll need it - the Ming The Merciless Animated XI are hotly tipped for the 2010 Intergalactic Aquatic Choreography Cup and will have no qualms about nobbling the opposition to retain their title. I’d recommend Gabriella gets some cast iron knee-protectors while she’s out shopping for noseclips in the Saturn branch of JD Sports.

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The-Dream ft Kanye West - Walking On The Moon.

Terius put out a pretty good album last year, and though I generally prefer it when other people sing his songs, this one’s not bad at all. Funnily enough, the video takes place in SPACE HURRAH, and Terius is mixing his sci-fi references as if the fate of the universe depended on it. We’ve got i) the Millennium Falcon whizzing about ii) the Michael & Janet ‘Scream’ spaceship interior iii) dudes chasing each other along corridors a la Doctor Who iv) Terius wearing a pair of shades that pay tribute to Geordi LaForge from Star Trek TNG: That Everyone Watched Don’t Deny It v) Kanye waving his arms around like Robby The Robot from The Forbidden Planet. I bet Terius knows all the Space Corps Directives from Red Dwarf as well.

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Puddle of Mudd - Spaceship.

Many excellent science fiction productions have overcome their relative lack of budget and/or special effects wizardry by confining the action to a grimy interior or an abandoned quarry, relying on plot and characterisation to gloss over the fact that the lead character has just run along the same corridor three times (all those zero-gravity-simulation aeroplane rides can’t be very carbon neutral anyway).

In their latest video, Puddle of Mudd have paid their own subtle, thoughtful tribute to this genre (I haven’t actually turned the sound up on this yet but I assume it sounds something like this), with a genuine wobbly model shot at 2.53 and some one-dimensional space vixens. “Oh Wesley, show me some more of this Earth thing called ‘post-grunge’!" Bleurgh.

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Little Boots - Earthquake.

Mystic pentagrams at the ready! Given the exhorbitant property prices in Zone 2 these days, not everyone has the available square footage necessary for summoning the dark arts. Therefore it’s good to see Little Boots making thrifty use of her roof garden space for a spot of stargazing/levitation. But if Vicky here is the Gatekeeper, who is the Keymaster? Any suggestions as to who is the Rick Moranis of Modern Pop are welcomed, but I have an awful feeling it might still be the dude on the left here

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Paul Oakenfold - Southern Sun.

Best of 2002: Well ‘best’ is probably pushing it, but I challenge you to get through this video without making a noise along the lines of ‘pffffffffnyaaaaaaahaaaa’.

During a photoshoot, a model finds a couple of magic ice cubes (???) and suddenly realises the inherent SHALLOWNESS and FAKENESS of the fashion world where she is beholden to THE MAN. Naturally she immediately legs it over to the Clarks Magic Steps forest to get in touch with her inner 10-year-old. Verrrry slowwwwly and seriously.

I’ve watched this four times now and I still can’t keep a straight face at 3.11, when things elevate to a whole new level.

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Basement Jaxx ft Sam Sparro - Feelings Gone.

I fear Felix and Simon have been watching the WRONG series of Red Dwarf - you know, the one where Rimmer buggered off and the programme suddenly jumped a shark bigger than a continent, landing face first in a dreadful animatronic puppet exhibition.

Thankfully it’s difficult to make Sam Sparro look like any more of an arse than his previous interminable video did, so he comes off relatively well here (though I did half-expect his space helmet to steam up at some point and Sam to spell out his name slowly ). At any rate this effort is better than the gratuitous lesbian snogging in the new Crookers video.

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Michael & Janet Jackson - Scream.

Another huge video event that warranted a special timeslot on Channel 4 for its premiere. We’d all pretty much forgotten that Michael and Janet were even related at this point - Janet trying to be as normal (and sociable) as possible, and Michael as far away from normality as possible, preaching from the top of a mountain, leaving him wide open to ridicule.

So it was almost a relief to see them both bored to tears in their little space capsule, like fractious children on holiday in a remote log cabin - Janet idly inspecting her fingernails whilst Michael leaves muddy footprints across the ceiling, the two of them playing Pong and constantly elbowing each other out of the way, Janet trying to piss standing up at 2.52. Just a normal day with the Jacksons At Home. But in space.

Worth the money, I think.

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