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This blog is about music videos. If you want to know what I think of the songs, you can find my exciting and witty opinions at The Singles Jukebox.





Raphael Gualazzi - Follia d’Amore.

Country: Italy YES ITALY
Song: Noel Coward meets Nicole/Papa car advert, with some random screaming in the middle.
Plot: Hipster kid with an umbrella runs about in circles, wondering how to break into Italian Convent Academy where serious young ladies are practicing the flute/ballet/hula-hooping. Somehow he manages it and gatecrashes the school play to kiss one of the girls. HMMM.
Creepiness watch: High. I think long-haired dude is running the risk of ending up on some sort of register.
Fashion: The schoolgirls are all in polo necks and netball skirts, dude is in a casual suit that are a size too big for him (perhaps to make him look younger and less creepy?)
Better than 2010? Italy return to the contest after 14 years in the pop wilderness, having paid some cash to the Powers That Be to be one of the auto-qualifying Big Five countries. Their last effort wasn’t bad (it came 4th!) but it was a shame they couldn’t get the original members of Heart in to sing it for them. Be sure to look out for the Irish hosts having a booze-up at the beginning!
Overall verdict: Queasy at best. Bottom 5 fo’ sho’.

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Smiley Culture - Cockney Translation.

Terrible and saddening news about Smiley Culture, a dude who has never failed to put me in a good mood with tales of attempting to borrow a helicopter off Maggie Thatcher and endless troubles with the old Bill. The videos to his two big hits (this and Police Officer are charmingly reminiscent of BBC2 schools programmes from the 1980s thanks to their ultra-literal animated overlays. I seem to remember the theme music to the same programmes always sounding like Smiley as well.

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Sleigh Bells - Rill Rill.


Ahem. Sorry about that, the first half of this video is so heavily orange-filtered that I have automatically donned my sunglasses and launched into “Won’t Get Fooled Again”. I’m amazed that Alexis doesn’t drive a ridiculously over-sized Hummer as well, running over Man Bells’ guitar that he’s carelessly abandoned in the middle of the road. The rest of it (‘back at the lab’ where SCIENCE happens) also makes about as much sense as the average CSI:Miami plot, but it’s still better than this visual travesty. All we need now is a widow and/or small child that needs Protecting.

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Cherri V ft Wiley - Skool Daze.

Wiley and Cherri are in detention, tsk tsk. Probably for talking - it seems ludicrous now, but TALKING was the most prolific and therefore worst crime committed at my school (cumulatively, at least). Apart from maybe smoking in the loos. Anyway, Wiley has to do lines on the blackboard like Bart Simpson (ok this is probably ancient interweb errata already but why does Bart run out of the classroom when the bell rings? Surely he is staying behind after school to write said lines, and therefore the bell has already rung?) whilst Cherri has to content with some CGI yearbook/playground/lockers/corridor action. I love her little hopscotch dance at 3.18 though.

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Roots Manuva - Witness (One Hope).

Best of 2001: If Can’t Get You Outa My Head is the most iconic video of 2001 then this is the funniest. Rodney is in serious training to quite literally triumph over his childhood traumas: with the raw talent of Usain Bolt, the Ferrari of Michael Schumacher and the underhand tactics of the Spanish Paralympic basketball team, Rodney finally gets what he deserves in the egg and spoon race. Ha-haa - in your face, small children.

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V - You Stood Up

Agreeable (but alas barely-remembered and ultimately un-googleable) boyband V appear to have joined the Dead Poets Society, but instead of studying sonnets and feelings and hanging themselves with their purple and yellow striped ties, they are all members of the school Fencing club. Yes, fencing. (Why not get their butlers to do it for them?)

There is an intensely complicated plot going on here regarding a girl they all fancy and get in trouble over (as fits the mournful tone of the song), but it’s resolved in time for them to work together as a TEAM in order to facilitate some semi-erotic locker room scenes for their, ahem, target demographic.

Basically this is an episode of Saved By The Bell: The Eton Mess Years. See if you can spot which one is meant to be Zack.

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