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This blog is about music videos. If you want to know what I think of the songs, you can find my exciting and witty opinions at The Singles Jukebox.

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Electrik Red - Drink In My Cup.

I fear I was too quick to judge these respectable young ladies - their album really is astoundingly good, sonically rich and lyrically jaw-dropping - definitely not for the faint-hearted. Their rubbish video to ‘So Good’ doesn’t do the girls justice though, so here they are running rampant in a secret nightclub: breaking & entering, pickpocketing, going for a wee (flushing the toilet with their stilletto) then nicking some fried chicken on their way home. MUCH better.

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Don Diablo & Example - Hooligans.

More banging club action (from 2009 this time) featuring some rather realistic scenes inside a loo cubicle, urgh. Not for the faint of stomach, but worth watching the intro to see a rather worse-for-wear dude slagging off a line of Shoreditch hipsters queuing up to get in, attempting to sweet-talk the bouncers then giving up after about 2 seconds.

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Wyclef Jean ft The Rock - It Doesn’t Matter.

You’re about to smell what the Rock is cooking! We’re back in 2000 again, and Wyclef has run into a spot of bother after chatting up a girl who (unbeknownst to our hero) has a very musclebound husband. “Are you crazy? You is married???” Poor old Wyclef gets too big for his boots and has to be bailed out by his BFF the Rock, who gives him a proper dressing down with one of the best Srs Faces ever. (Some great dancing in there too.)

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Cascada - Evacuate The Dancefloor.

Quite a change of tack for Cascada! Less of the pounding trance-diva and more of the electro-n-b pop. I mean, Britney could have easily rejected this for Circus. There’s a rap middle 8 by some German dude called Calprit! I really like this.

Alas the video is rather unremarkable save for Cascada’s revolving chair at the end. I guess they have a maximum amount of awesome to be shared out over song and vid, and the visual world happened to lose out this time.

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Toddla T & Herve - Shake It.

A girl who appears to be Floella Benjamin’s little sister wards off the advances of a man with a ghetto blaster for a head. The poor dude doesn’t seem to be having much luck with the ladies, until he meets a lass who’s more his type…

I briefly saw Toddla T at a festival I attended this weekend, but alas all I can remember about him is that he was better than Alec Empire (who was playing in the other room). Sorry Toddla T but if you will start your set at quarter past three in the morning then you must expect less than total recall from your audience.

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Shystie ft DJ Dee Kline - New Style

When her normal baseball-bat-wielding technique doesn’t produce the required results, Shystie instead attempts to impress Lurch from the Addams Family with her terrific harlequin outfits and dayglo face paint. Marvellous stuff. Oh, and yes it is indeed THAT DJ Dee Kline…

This particular youtube vid has some baffling tags attached to it:

Shystie new style Leona Lewis Run George Bush shoe attack N-Dubz Strong Again Alexandra Burke Hallelujah x factor Lily Allen The Fear dj deekline Lil wayne kanye west Orlando Bloom mystery Cool Russian Actor sketch son god russia russian fun video

X Factor, Lily and ‘George Bush Shoe Attack’ I can just about understand drumming up some hits, but ‘Orlando Bloom mystery’? And why all the Russia references? I imagine I’m missing something very obvious here…

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Sway ft Akon - Silver And Gold

Just when you thought Akon had buggered off, he’s turned up on Sway’s doorstep and persuaded him to go out clubbing. Akon is a bit concerned that he’ll get IDed so he makes sure to bring his passport along, as well as some luxury watches of indeterminate origin. Said bling doesn’t seem to impress the ladies much - blank expressions all round. Perhaps they’re just as sick of Akon and his goosey voice as we are.

But take heed gentlemen (and ladies)! There are many moral lessons to be learned here, namely the perils of sleeping with pole-dancers, how to drive from Hammersmith Bridge to Canary Wharf whilst avoiding the congestion charge, and why it is never wise to open any email with the subject line “LuXuR10us T1MeP1eCeS cheap 4U!!!!”. Something to bear in mind the next time you find yourself in a Spearmint Rhino.

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