The Vids Are Alright

Macklemore - Thrift Shop

TVAA has been en vacances in France for the last week, driving around in a giant van and eating sausages. The best radio station we discovered was SKYROCK FM, which had this 7-month old tune on heavy rotation. The best thing about French radio is that swears aren’t muted out (or replaced by clangs/crashes), so one can fully enjoy bellowing ‘this is fucking awesome’ while careering down the country lanes of Brittany at 90km/h.

The accompanying video does not disappoint, featuring a wide variety of interesting sartorial choices that would barely get an eye-roll in Dalston but have yet to really make an impact on the world of hiphop fashion. Look out for the stuffed dinosaur.

Nicki Minaj - Moment 4 Life.

Haters to the left! I still love Nicki and her multi-coloured wigs and olive green tights. If only they’d swapped out Drake’s bits for more of Nicki’s fairy godmother banging on about her fictional alter-ego Roman in a stupid English accent. If she’s going to keep up the multiple personalities thing in her videos I hope she sticks with this sort of thing rather than the well-trodden good/evil trope she dished up for “Monster”.

Charlotte Church - Back To Scratch.

Last of today’s “Ch” ladies! Chaz’s music may have gone down the Diana Vickers/Kate Nash kitchen-sink route but her clone army is definitely more Atomic Kitten. A stark white background with the contrast turned way up is great for hiding the machinations of certain special effects but unfortunately the end result is usually BORING unless you are Michael and Janet Jackson.

On the plus side, Charlotte looks very pretty! I doubt I would look that awesome after having two kids. My only quibble would be the Taylor Momsen eyeshadow, but the ankle boots more than make up for it.

Cheryl Cole - Parachute.

I wasn’t going to post this video at first, mainly because I feel Cheryl generally deserves more than just me gushing over her dresses and hair. However dresses and hair are Chezza’s strong point and I think she might need some cheering up at the moment. Therefore I am happy to present:

1. Goth Flamenco Doll Toilet Roll Holder!
2. Florence Nightingale (complete with upside-down watch)!
3. Ming The Merciless Joins Sparkly Biker Gang!
4. One-legged Toga’n’Pearls Jumpsuit!

Poor Cheryl. I wish your songs were better.

Lady Gaga - Bad Romance.

…Where to start? How about at the end, where Gaga is having a post-coital cig next to the charred skeleton of her ‘highest bidder’ whilst her bra randomly fires sparks, accompanied by a chirpy harpsichord refrain?

Nah - let’s start with those HOOFS in the middle eight (3.27, just after the spinning gyroscope bit). It’s all very well saying “walk, walk fashion baby” but feet are not meant to DO that, dude - I don’t care what Alexander McQueen says.

Then there’s the post-middle 8 bit with her polar bear dress catching fire while she says some words in French then screams “I don’t want to be French!” (or “friends”, whatever). At this point you may end up overlooking the fact that she’s wearing a red belt-based outfit with only one leg. Only Lady Gaga would make a video where this is barely noticeable.

See how many other things you can spot in amongst all the vodka:
- wrinkly cat
- solar eclipse
- Burberry trenchcoat
- sunglasses made out of razor blades
- the Judderman
- gold chin protector

Well done everyone involved in the making of this video.

Paul Oakenfold - Southern Sun.

Best of 2002: Well ‘best’ is probably pushing it, but I challenge you to get through this video without making a noise along the lines of ‘pffffffffnyaaaaaaahaaaa’.

During a photoshoot, a model finds a couple of magic ice cubes (???) and suddenly realises the inherent SHALLOWNESS and FAKENESS of the fashion world where she is beholden to THE MAN. Naturally she immediately legs it over to the Clarks Magic Steps forest to get in touch with her inner 10-year-old. Verrrry slowwwwly and seriously.

I’ve watched this four times now and I still can’t keep a straight face at 3.11, when things elevate to a whole new level.

Mary Mary - Shackles (Praise You).

Another aspirational/euphoric jam from 2000 (if you remember back at the turn of the century, everyone kept standing in the street holding up traffic a lot whilst singing about how great everything is). Today Mary and Mary have been summoned by a magical fairy to come and sort out a poor girl’s eviction problems by having a quick whip-round. Awwww.

(btw I LOVE their hair and outfits. Not an apron-skirt in sight.)