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This blog is about music videos. If you want to know what I think of the songs, you can find my exciting and witty opinions at The Singles Jukebox.

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October 28
Nadine Coyle - Insatiable. Poor Nadine. I know she’s releasing this as an independent (albeit via a Tesco distribution deal) but this is one of the dullest videos I’ve seen all year. It is so dull that I am not even going to embed the video up there. Instead I shall put a picture of my personal highlight of the video: at 1.21 Nadine’s earring briefly sparkles, which reminded me of when Jerrica touches her earring and turns into Jem. Things that happened to me today that were more exciting than watching the Nadine Coyle video: - washing my boyfriend’s slippers which had got bin juice on them - having to walk the long way round to the swimming pool because the council are digging up the pavement and have closed the road - discovering that our gas bill for this summer was exactly half of last summer’s - eating a Tunnock’s Caramel Wafer (though I admit this is more exciting than a lot of things) - watching Jay Kay from Jamiroquai ride a motorbike around in circles before abandoning said motorbike, getting into a helicopter and hovering sulkily backwards and forwards over the same spot, resentfully glaring at the motorbike for some unknown reason.

Nadine Coyle - Insatiable.

Poor Nadine. I know she’s releasing this as an independent (albeit via a Tesco distribution deal) but this is one of the dullest videos I’ve seen all year. It is so dull that I am not even going to embed the video up there. Instead I shall put a picture of my personal highlight of the video: at 1.21 Nadine’s earring briefly sparkles, which reminded me of when Jerrica touches her earring and turns into Jem.

Things that happened to me today that were more exciting than watching the Nadine Coyle video:
- washing my boyfriend’s slippers which had got bin juice on them
- having to walk the long way round to the swimming pool because the council are digging up the pavement and have closed the road
- discovering that our gas bill for this summer was exactly half of last summer’s
- eating a Tunnock’s Caramel Wafer (though I admit this is more exciting than a lot of things)
- watching Jay Kay from Jamiroquai ride a motorbike around in circles before abandoning said motorbike, getting into a helicopter and hovering sulkily backwards and forwards over the same spot, resentfully glaring at the motorbike for some unknown reason.

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November 18

Puddle of Mudd - Spaceship.

Many excellent science fiction productions have overcome their relative lack of budget and/or special effects wizardry by confining the action to a grimy interior or an abandoned quarry, relying on plot and characterisation to gloss over the fact that the lead character has just run along the same corridor three times (all those zero-gravity-simulation aeroplane rides can’t be very carbon neutral anyway).

In their latest video, Puddle of Mudd have paid their own subtle, thoughtful tribute to this genre (I haven’t actually turned the sound up on this yet but I assume it sounds something like this), with a genuine wobbly model shot at 2.53 and some one-dimensional space vixens. “Oh Wesley, show me some more of this Earth thing called ‘post-grunge’!” Bleurgh.

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June 26

Michael & Janet Jackson - Scream.

Another huge video event that warranted a special timeslot on Channel 4 for its premiere. We’d all pretty much forgotten that Michael and Janet were even related at this point - Janet trying to be as normal (and sociable) as possible, and Michael as far away from normality as possible, preaching from the top of a mountain, leaving him wide open to ridicule.

So it was almost a relief to see them both bored to tears in their little space capsule, like fractious children on holiday in a remote log cabin - Janet idly inspecting her fingernails whilst Michael leaves muddy footprints across the ceiling, the two of them playing Pong and constantly elbowing each other out of the way, Janet trying to piss standing up at 2.52. Just a normal day with the Jacksons At Home. But in space.

Worth the money, I think.

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April 20

Electrik Red - So Good

Argh. The-Dream’s new girlgroup have made a video even cheaper than The Saturdays’ ‘Up’. Dull outfits, minimum of choreography, props swiped out of the school PE cupboard (though I did involuntarily shout out ‘GOOOAL!’ in an Alan Partridge voice at 1.58).

All this cost-cutting almost makes you long for something like this, spiky jumpers and everything.

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April 14

The Robocop Kraus - You Don’t Have To Shout

This lot are highly recommended by the ever-fragrant Eddie Argos (never let it be said that I don’t hat-tip my sources) and have deigned to include in their video some dudes dressed as a gymnast, a chicken, a frogman and Dot Cotton from 50 years ago.

Bonus points for the helmet with an axe sellotaped to it. Minus points for not having the floor light up at any point.

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February 19

Goldie Looking Chain - By Any Means Necessary

If Goldie Looking Chain have been looking to Atari Teenage Riot for inspiration then it doesn’t really show here I’m afraid. However I like to imagine that Alec Empire is the unseen security guard chasing the GLC boys through Newport town centre in this video, like a negative-budget Welsh version of Trainspotting. No wonder they all get a stitch and have to stop for a breather.

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