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This blog is about music videos. If you want to know what I think of the songs, you can find my exciting and witty opinions at The Singles Jukebox.

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Janet Jackson - What Have You Done For Me Lately?

To make up for a quiet January at TVAA here’s one of my all-time favourite videos. I’ve probably posted this before but I don’t care - look at how cross Janet is! Anger clearly hones ones choreography skills, as this is pretty much perfect.

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Example - Last Ones Standing.

Enjoyable enough ‘Sabotage’ style cop spoof with added parkour and Police Squad! wobbly end frame. I am generally in favour of Example and his video output, but I physically wince every time I see anyone wearing those red Su Pollard sunglasses. I just don’t get it. Ridiculous accessories are part and parcel of music videos but these look like they’ve fallen out of a Tesco Value Christmas cracker. If it’s stupid sunglasses you’re after then I will happily see your Su Pollard and raise you a Timmy Mallett.

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Bangles - Walk Like An Egyptian.

It’s Self-Indulgent Saturday! This is one of my favourite karaoke tunes ever: the video may be rubbish but I don’t care. Susanna and the girls get shoved off the screen by extras from Joseph & The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat, the Statue of Liberty and Colonel Gaddafi. Also the worst fake-whistling you’ll ever see outside One Man And His Deaf Dog.

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Art Of Noise ft Tom Jones - Kiss.

The BBC Glastonbury coverage currently has a choice of Tony Christie, Status Quo or Tom Jones (anyone wanting to watch an act that began recording in the 21st century is probably there already).

As I type, Jones has just finished his set with ‘Kiss’ and the red button is now showing his former duet partner Cerys from Catatonia waving a shoe at a stuffed Flat Eric, so let’s have some graph paper action from twenty years ago. Unfortunately today Jones is still attempting the dance moves last seen at 1.56 and ends up looking like he’s got severe back pain.

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Terence Trent D’Arby - Sign Your Name Across My Heart

Because it is the Eighties, the Decade Of Extravaganze, Terence ignores such trifling matters as carbon footprints and keeps his overhead projector on ALL NIGHT! As punishment for such wanton energy wastage Terence must seek out the sexy French lady who can inform him about cavity wall insulation and suchlike. Cue Tez jumping on his motorbike (which he keeps in his bedroom! I’m sure his mum will have something to say about that - and those skull earrings too, which seem to be singing along at 2.23) and heading to a bar to have a FIGHT. Luckily the gargantuan size of his beret (fnar) prevents any beef, and he is able to serenade the sexy French lady with some super-masculine motorbike revving. Though I’m not totally convinced that her small child will be distracted by a moth-eaten teddy for more than a couple of minutes - Terence might have to settle for a low-wattage lightbulb instead.

(This song is currently being used on a Coco Pops advert in the UK with swimming hippos. The mind boggles.)

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Whodini - Magic’s Wand

While listening to the Pussycat Dolls album this morning (as you do) I was struck by the similarities between ‘Who’s Gonna Love You' (Scherzinger/Jones/DioGuardi) and the Thomas Dolby electro masterpiece that is 'Magic's Wand'. I believe the industry term is 'contains elements of'? 

The PCD track is a bit slower though, and there’s no mention of anyone having a Rap Attack. But it’s an excellent excuse to post this video of dudes wiggling about on escalators/staircases (note the gratuitous bum shot at 2.08) and Grandmaster Dee making cowboy outfits spontaneously appear via his ‘lengthy wand’.

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