The Vids Are Alright

Nelly - Just A Dream.

What better way to revive TVAA from its autumnal hibernation than with an amazing emo dream sequence from Nelly? Poor old Nells has fallen asleep in his car and his subconscious has decided to remind him that the old biological clock is TICKING and it’s time to settle down. You’ll have to look closely as the imagery involved here is rather subtle. The flashy car that symbolises his old fast-n-loose blinged-up lifestyle is being washed out to sea by the slow but inevitable WAVES OF OLD AGE. See, I told you it was subtle. The giant revolving ring that dips in the waves* but fails to get wet is a clear metaphor for matrimonial anxiety dreams of dominating Middle Earth! Unfortunately there is no added bonus of invisibility powers: this becomes clear when the ring is set on fire and no mystical writing appears on its surface. Nelly will have to find another way of sneaking into the girls’ changing rooms unseen.

Still, it’s hard to keep a cheerful lad like Nelly down, even when his car tyres** get set on fire 30ft above the waves to signify his old lifestyle crumbling away, he’s still spending every spare moment grinding up against ladies in the club or indulging in a spot of underwater shagging to desperately hang on to the Fun Times. Alas it is all futile in the end and Nelly wakes up from the dream with his glass eye smashed in, revealing the true message behind the video: the torrid mid-life crisis that has resulted in him finally manning up and getting contact lenses to look younger. Brilliant.

*The waves are a bit too shallow for the giant ring if you assume the whole beach follows the gentle slope of where the car is positioned. Perhaps this is a metaphor for Nelly losing PERSPECTIVE on matters?

**I was always under the impression that the petrol tank was the most flammable part of a car. Tyres are usually only the first bits to set on fire if you are travelling very fast (e.g. 88mph) or you are Eddie Irvine who IIRC never travelled very fast at all except in 1999 when Michael Schumacher broke his leg that time innit. Nelly’s car is not travelling fast, neither is he Eddie Irvine.

DJ Fresh - Gold Dust.

I may sound over-critical of many music videos. Boring plot, dreadful sunglasses, rubbish dancing in front of some flashy lights. All that budget and the best they can do is wave some champagne around? MUST DO BETTER. But in reality I’m very easily pleased: just get a bunch of kids with knees made out of titanium and make them do double-dutch skipping for three minutes. Absolutely brilliant, and perfect for the song too.

Janelle Monae ft Big Boi - Tightrope.

This is absolutely wonderful and I have watched it about a grillion times in the last few weeks. It’s hard to sum up the pure joy derived from watching Janelle and her medically insane chums jiggle about, carefully choreographed to look like they’re all making it up on the spot. She certainly gives Gaga a run for her money in the ‘perambulating down the corridor of a correctional institution with your henchmen’ stakes. Tuxedos and spats »» prison striped underwear.

My favourite bit is at 3.21 where you expect her to jump off the table, but instead she just shimmies out on one leg. VERY COOL. I am going to have to get myself a big old bowtie, aren’t I?