TVAA Awards 2011
It’s that time of year again! The 2011 TVAA awards may be somewhat uncomprehensive this year due to me having a job that requires some actual brainpower and thus leaving scant time/energy for Youtube catchup sessions. However I have managed to think up some new categories to make up for this!
Most drunk: Big Sean - A$$ (NSFW but you knew that, right?). Sean visibly gets tiddlier with each chorus! It’s rather refreshing to see popstars reaping the consequences of their hedonistic actions over the course of one video. Refreshing like a nice gin’n’tonic amiright.
Best video that looks like a BBC2 Schools Programme: Metronomy - The Look and their minimalist animated seagulls. Blub!
Most hilarious: Soulja Boy - The Juice. My love for this song has been well-documented elsewhere, but the upshot is that Soulja mumbles about bitches and hoes, then suddenly remembers about THE JUICE and springs into life once more. Whilst shopping for jewellery. This probably should be a runner-up for ‘Most drunk’ as well.
May I just take a moment to point out that ALL the above videos feature a RED CUP (though the Metronomy one is being wielded by an angry seagull and does not contain ‘sizzurp’) (and the Soulja Boy one contains a WHITE cup look it is a THEME ok guys).
Most convoluted intro sequence: Lady Gaga - Marry The Night. Yes readers despite my hectic schedule I watched all THIRTEEN MINUTES FIFTY-ONE SECONDS of this video. The intro is much better than the bit where the actual song kicks in, of course. Especially the self-aware narration when Gaga is being wheeled about on a hospital trolley. “It’s not that I’ve been dishonest, it’s just that I loathe reality.” Well done there, Lady Gaga.
Best source of an animated-gif: Azealia Banks - 212 (click here to cast your eyes upon said gif). Azealia is great. And rude! Don’t let your kids watch this one innit.
Best video I first saw when writing this list: tUnE-yArDs - Bizness. The first 73 seconds with the kids are totes amazing and Merrill is one of the most captivating people I’ve ever seen play a gig and I think I’m a little bit in love with her SO THERE.
Worst prop: Rihanna - California King Bed which (as proved in that there blog post) does not actually contain a California King Bed but a Standard King Bed. INCORRECT BED SIZE MADNESS.
Worst special effects: Rebecca Black - Friday. Well I had to put her in somewhere, didn’t I? The bit right at the beginning where she is overlaid on the calendar uses the worst Photoshop setting imaginable: FIND EDGES. Look, even stunningly gorgeous people look like terrible hags when minced through the Find Edges filter. Bleurgh.
Most disappointing: Lady Gaga - Born This Way. This was just rubbish. TOO MUCH MUCUS. Nope, I can’t believe this was 2011 either.
Most surprising: Ke$ha - Blow. Regular readers will be aware that I have no love for K35h4 but I definitely have love for this video where she snogs a unicorn in front of Dawson and has a laser gun fight.
Best Dubstep Breakdown: Britney Spears - Hold It Against Me. Britney has a catfight with Bonnie Tyler! I mean her younger (older?) self!
Most rubbish video when compared to awesomeness of song: Diddy Dirty Money - Ass On The Floor. Not only can I not find a version that doesn’t bleep the ‘motherfvcker’s, but Dawn and the Other One just stand around on some fake snow for the entire video. It is definitely fake snow because they are INDOORS. Christ dude you are P Diddy = YOU HAVE A BUDGET. Get thyself to Val d’Isere and rent that cottage that Wham! and Steps used. At least I Hate That You Love Me has the whole 7 Nation Army thing going on. This just looks like no-one has tried, which does not do the song justice!
The Katy Perry Award for PUT IT AWAY LOVE: Dude from Maroon Five. Ugh. For chrissakes pull your trousers up, man.
Stupidest vehicle: Nicki Minaj’s motorbike made of ice in Super Bass. That is going to cost you a fortune in petrol, Nicki.
Runner-up: Kanye & Jay-Z’s Knightridermobile in ‘Otis’ (see also Biggest Flag).
The Lady Gaga Award for WTF: Nadia Oh - Taking Over The Dancefloor. WE WE KATE MIDDLETON. I… I am unable to describe this properly. Actually I think Jump Out The Window might be a more worthy winner as she interrupts the 90-second song to start INTERVIEWING HERSELF.
Runner-up: Old chums The Maccabees with baffling space-teapot-burger-melon-piggy-bank effort Pelican. There is no pelican in the video. Something has gone wrong here.
Worst video overall/Most terrifying: Olly Murs - Busy. Shudder. Watch with caution.
Runner-up: Katy Perry - Last Friday Night (see also Worst Attempt At A Sudoku).
Which brings us to… *fanfare*
BEST VIDEO OF 2011: Will Young - Come On. Dogs! Smaller Dogs! Knitted jumpers! Childhood flashbacks! Heartwarming conclusions! BWAAAAAAA. Well done Will! You and your Twitter account @will_young31 are both charming.
Runner-up: Still down with the kids, it’s Rammstein - Mein Land! They’ve roped in saturated-technicolour bouncy-ball-subtitle fiend Jonas Akerlund to do a jolly beach party sitcom, which is simultaneously BANGING and NSFW. Stick around for the animated crab at the end.
