The Vids Are Alright

Esma & Lozano - Pred Da Se Razdeni (If I Could Change The World) (FYR Macedonia)

What starts off as a terrible Ryan Tedder mope-a-thon boshes up very nicely into a hop-de-dop Balkan bellydance beat, with a sprinkling of dubstep and a decent chorus. Esma is rocking some amazing outfits and rainbow nail varnish (Lozano is sticking to tasteful Burton jacket and khaki trousers). Unfortunately with the high levels of residual dubstep floating around this year, I don’t think it’s quite memorable enough to make the final — especially if their live performance is as ropey as this one.

A break in proceedings to tell you about my friend Marna’s excellent Kickstarter - The Wasteland For Babies. It’s a beautifully illustrated version of TS Eliot’s epic poem, for small and big humans both.

Even if you don’t like modernist poetry and don’t know any goths or babies or English teachers who would happily receive this as a birthday present, it’s totally worth backing this project to get some original artwork by Marna. I have two of her abstract paintings on my living room wall and they are fantastic - you can look at some of them on her tumblr. I think this one and this one are my favourites. She is also making postcards for smaller rewards, they are a truly lovely thing to receive through your letterbox.

The project is 72% funded and has a real chance of succeeding before the closing date tomorrow - back it now!

Nodi Tatishvili & Sophie Gelovani - Waterfall (Georgia)

TAKE YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR POCKETS YOUNG MAN. You’re never going to impress your other half without clutching your hands to your heart then reaching out in front of you. Thankfully Sophie and Nori are both stuck in a privet maze so Nodi has some time to practise his Meaningful Gestures 101 before they meet. I don’t think it’s occurred to either of them that they can just jump over the rather low hedge rather than go to all that trouble (this reminds me of a PUZZLE, Professor etc).

Anyway they find each other eventually and sing a nice rousing duet on top of a hill on Craggy Island. Lovely.

Anouk - Birds (Netherlands)

The birds in question ‘don’t fly’ and are ‘falling off a rooftop’ which probably means the birds are DEAD. Like Anouk’s gothic soul! OK maybe not goth, but she is definitely going for the whole 4REAL Wearing A Hat In My Tooting Bedsit look here, and the song has a ‘haunting’ vibe, i.e. an old John Barry riff that Portishead might have fed backwards through the sampler. It’s all far too AUTHENTIC to have a proper video with an actual bird in it. There’s not even a sniff of a parrot :(

Klapa s Mora - Mižerja (Croatia)

Well done Croatia for a proper tourist video! A sweeping shot of the glorious Adriatic coastline pans back to reveal some rustic locals in stripy tops mending fishing nets on charming cobbled streets. BUT WAIT those humble fisherman are in fact a 6-part harmony group! There are dramatic flounces, women trotting about in very high heels, oranges falling down a staircase (???) and some highly symbolic sand falling out of someone’s grasp. The song could be a lot worse too.

Cezar - It’s My Life (Romania)

This doesn’t have a dedicated video but I am posting the performance anyway, for reasons that will become clear if you watch it. Cezar’s extremely serious stage persona is like if Catweazle dyed his hair black and dressed as one of those trendy magicians who tell you the answers. And he sings operatic falsetto! Over semi-weak bosh that marvellously and inevitably has a dubstep breakdown! I really hope this makes the final, but I think it’s borderline…

Krista Siegfrids - Marry Me (Finland)

New favourite song! Tough biker chick Krista is sick of spinsterhood and teams up with her srs bsns bridesmaids to FIND A HUSBAND. Luckily there’s a nice rich dude hanging out in the local sauna who is a ‘willing’ volunteer.

1) Her bridal shoes are Fierce.
2) One of the page boys is a PUG wearing a ribbon.
3) That gruff exterior of hers gives way to a soppy core when the groom finally plucks up the nerve to give her a snog! Awww.
4) “I’ll play your game, I’ll change my last name, I’ll walk the walk of shame” Amazing post-feminist lyrics there!

Douze points from the TVAA jury!

+++ PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT +++

If you’d like to hear this tune and MANY OTHER European pop classics old and new, come down to CLUB ACTION PRESENTS EUROPOPTIMISM @ The Hideaway Bar at 114 Junction Road on Saturday 4th May! Nearest tubes Tufnell Park/Archway, free entry, 8pm-1am.

Alyona Lanskaya - Solayoh (Belarus)

Her hips do not lie and her ‘small ‘n’ humbles’ could not be confused with mountains! Especially when she’s kicking up sand on the Belarus Tourist Board approved beach with her mates there. Actually, the song reminds me of a samba-boshed up version of this (amazing video, do click) rather than any Shakira tunes.

At least it’s jolly, eh?

Marco Mengoni - L’essenziale (Italy)

On the whole, the theme for this year’s videos has been… ‘basic’. There aren’t many special effects here either, but thankfully Italy are physically incapable of sending an entry without some incomprehensible EMOTION and DRAMA and LINGERING STARES to bulk up the standard ballad.

Fernando Alonso’s long lost brother is lacking songwriting inspiration, so he leaves his missus to do the DRAMATIC washing up (or perhaps she’s just trying to figure out how her coffee grinder works) and takes his quiff for an EMOTIONAL walk. Inspiration strikes when Marco trips and falls into a swimming pool (always a plus in my book) but i does seem rather careless of the local council to just have a swimming pool in the middle of the pavement. Especially when a poor dude (who is obviously in some state of mental distress) can easily stumble into them. I mean, his quiff is ruined and that underwater violinist mermaid is no help at all. What if the whole swimming pool thing is actually a metaphor and he is drowning in a quagmire of his own stagnant creativity? This would explain the final 10 seconds where the quiff is intact and Marco looks like he’s about to set fire to his missus’ coffee grinder…