The Vids Are Alright

Sébastien Tellier - Pépito Bleu

Well here’s an early contender for WTF of the Year! Seb T’s home planet is about to explode so he escapes in hummingbird/moth form, wiggles his way through a wormhole and lands on Earth assuming the shape of a reincarnated Jimmy Saville.

Were you or I to embark on such a journey, the next logical step would be to find some childless couple with sturdy morals and get yourself adopted, then become a reporter in a city with high crime levels and so on. Sebastian decides to skip this bit and move directly to constructing an ice palace and telepathically recruiting members for his new cult (including a pretty lady who is on the verge of building a mashed potato edifice when she gets the call - I hope she gets a proper square medal afterwards.)

Now then (‘now then’), I don’t know about you but all I achieved on this frosty Monday morning was buying a domain name and setting the DNS servers for it, so Seb has done quite well in less than three minutes.

Skrillex - Ruffneck

Merry Christmas from The Vids Are Alright! What better way to get into the festive spirit than to watch Santa get doped up on benzos, freak out at some children and get in a nasty gangland brawl?

See you all in 2012!

I have not totally abandoned TVAA, dear readers! Look out for my 2011 round-up in a few weeks when I have some time off work. Until then, watch/read/follow this:

bloggingwithoutwings:

Swear It Again

Let’s start at the beginning! Westlife’s first single back in the mists of time (1999) was a reasonable indication of the path the band would take over the next 10 years: BALLAD O CLOCK.

Another clue as to their future style can be heard at the very beginning of this beginning: the tinkly glissando of pixie dust sprinkling itself over some plodding piano.

Saccharine tinkles and simple piano chords were both massively overused in 90s ballads - both good and bad. The chords in the opening bars of Mariah’s version of “Without You” have a dogged determinism to them, whereas in “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)” they make Bryan sound triumphantly pompous. The tinkles in Toni Braxton’s “Breathe Again” are more like hyperventilating tears at the end of each phrase, but in the hands of Max Martin they are a touch of icing sugar to sweeten the Britney/Backstreet slowjam experience for us all. Strangely enough Westlife’s predecessors Boyzone mostly avoided the tinkle on their singles, preferring a godawful acoustic guitar to pick out their soppy intros.

In “Swear It Again” the chords and tinkles have little emotion to convey - they’ve been selected to smooth over the canvas and prepare us for an All-New Boyband who, as it happens, turn out to be very good at singing with each other. Almost too good! Having listened to the track several times I am just about able to pick out their different solo voices, but together on the chorus they become a single force with a standard deviation of approximately 0.05 (that was the as-promised science bit for this post). They are all singing the same note at the same time. You WILL remember this hook! We will drum it into your skull with our combined power! There’s no distracting bassline and the super-high angelic synths are so buried in the mix you can barely hear them. The tactic works: I can now totally hum this chorus when prompted.

Apart from that chorus hook though, there’s not much left to distinguish the song from the rest of the Westlife canon. The verses are the usual teenage heartthrob promising never to abandon the listener in their hour of need nor do them WRONG. However I should direct readers to the video above - the version made for Westlife’s US launch. While the UK version has them sitting glumly around a dress rehearsal (perhaps waiting for the REAL video to be shot?), in America they are working in a car wash with some sexy ladies who do a DANCE ROUTINE. The boys look young, happy and excited. Well, most of them do:

This one is Kian.

oneweekoneband:

…Despite the rougher setting, “Upgrade U” is made a little more lighthearted by the playful interaction between Beyoncé and Jay-Z. The duo’s interplay on B’Day is a marked improvement over their team-ups on Dangerously in Love. Instead of existing as two separate entities appealing to separate demographics, their verses are lyrically intertwined. Also, isn’t it fun to imagine Beyoncé “upgrading” Jay-Z and running his life? I suppose it’s been said that behind every ultra-millionaire drug dealer turned rap mogul, there’s an equally successful pop empress taking the reins. 

One Week One Band is covering Beyonce’s solo career this week, courtesy of Jamieson Cox. Jamieson’s nailed the sonic appeal and consistent quality of the songs on B Day perfectly, but I wish the posts went into more detail about each song and it’s relation to Beyonce herself. Obviously the remit of the blog doesn’t necessarily cover digging that deep into a particular song (especially as the author has been rather prolific so far this week) but I can’t help feeling this description of Beyonce and Jay-Z’s interaction on “Upgrade U” as ‘playful’ is not exactly how I would interpret it, given the context we know about them.

That’s ok! I am happy to address this!

From Jay-Z’s opening verse it’s clear that these two mean BUSINESS. Like peacocks in full macho posturing mode: “I used to beat that block - now I BE’S the block” versus “I can do you for you what Martin did for the people”. Jay-Z is the embodiment of millions of dollars worth of prime real estate. Beyonce is comparing herself to Martin Luther King. Sure, it’s over the top and a little silly, but rather than ‘playfulness’ I hear two people with big egos testing the waters of their relationship, seeing who will back down or compromise first. They are handling things like grown-ups, wanting to make it work but also cautious about getting hurt or losing the power that makes them great as individuals. Love is a srs and complicated bsns!

Therefore let’s put aside the bling and think about this interaction in terms of what we actually know about Beyonce and Jay-Z themselves. Their relationship began after she had finished recording Dangerously In Love, so [EDIT: whoops, it was 2002. I should fact-check things better. HOWEVER] B Day was the first chance that we, the gossip-hungry public, got a glimpse of what their life together was like - because otherwise we weren’t getting squat. Fair play to B&J! Their personal life together was and is a well-guarded secret. No tearful confessionals in OK! magazine for them, no tell-all autobiographies and (amazingly), no ‘friends’ phoning up the tabloids saying what they had for dinner last night. Nothing.

So the only way we can find out the juicy details is through the carefully-filtered outlet of their careers! Ouch. Even in Beyonce’s back catalogue it’s hard to pin down *anything* specifically about the two of them. In “Crazy In Love” and “Deja-Vu” Jay-Z bigs up Beyonce and then lets her get on with it. However in “Upgrade U” he is addressing her directly - and she him: “I hear you be the block, but I’m the lights that keep the streets on…”

This is why I find this song so fascinating. If it’s describing a fictional or exaggerated couple then they’ve done a bloody good job. Those nosey questions we want answers for - Is their relationship solid or on rocky ground? Who has the upper hand? - it seems that J and B themselves wish to know as well! They proceed to analyse each other to death like all good post-modern adults should do:

- How are you gonna upgrade me?
- [I] Notice you the type that like to keep them on a leash
- I’m alone for a reason
- You need a real woman in your life

If I’m being honest it is Beyonce that’s doing most of the hand-wringing here (it is her song, after all). Most of the second verse seems to be her talking to herself, wondering whether she could ever play second fiddle to Some Dude. Would it be worth it in order to be happy? Could she be happy living like that? “It’s very seldom that you’re blessed to find your equal/Still play my part and let you take the lead role?”

Jay-Z on the other hand seems more chilled about the whole business, but he’s running the risk of overstepping the boundaries (i.e. being an over-confident dick). If your significant other is trying to decide whether to continue your relationship together, now is not the time to mock her for having jewellery so big she cannot fit her hand in her handbag.

Happily by the end of the track they’ve decided that by working together as a team (the peacocks have reached a compromise!) they can make EVEN MORE MONEY than on their own. Sum of two parts and all that! Jay-Z appears to have slightly better financial management skills so he can deal with that, while Beyonce is better at the whole PR/communications role. Jay perhaps needs Beyonce’s gloss to cover up his dodgy past, Beyonce needs Jay for… well, why does anyone want a partner? Support? Love? Gametes? A big hug when your latest album only sells a paltry 310,000 copies in its first week or when your little sister has inadvisably shaved her head? Someone to attend premieres with?

Either way, judging by “Upgrade U” alone, the two of them are rock solid. They respect each other and are laughing at us opium-sated plebs trying to pick holes in their partnership:

“It’s humorous to me they watching while we just yachting off the island hopping off Amalfi coast…”

It may be humorous to you Sean, but it’s the nearest we’re going to get.

***

The majority of the video is terrible, by the way. Male-gaze-gratifying bollocks, tired dance routine, more bling than a branch of H Samuel in Billingshurst. The only notable bit is at 2.45 when B’s impression of her boyfriend gets very good indeed. In hindsight I think it was a mistake making videos for every single song on B Day, though at least there was enough butter to spread on the slice of bread that is “Get Me Bodied” (where the butter = Kelly, Michelle and Solange!).

Mirah - Low Self-Control

(via everyone)

I do feel for Mirah - clearly her job is nearly as demanding as mine (HELLO YES IT’S BEEN A WHILE) - waking up at one’s desk and realising you’ve only got your nightie on is never ideal in a professional business situation, especially when your boss can rap that quickly. I don’t know much about Mirah but she’s certainly got the Kooky Popstar Vibe down pat in terms of refusing to move her head to the left or right unless absolutely necessary. Is this a thing they teach at the Brit School these days? Right after double How To Walk In Louboutins, I expect.

Also notable: her backing dancers have acquired some of them nifty masks available from the card shop at the top of the Central line escalators at Liverpool Street. As well as ‘spooky Egyptian princess’ you can get The Queen, Prince Wills, Heston Blumenthal and Andy Murray. I always wondered who bought them.

(Source: krecs, via katherinestasaph)

What better way to break a super-long blogging hiatus than with a plug for my rave club night?

HANDPUMP THE VOLUME

For one night only, the Barnet Ape and DJ Chlorine bring you a superlative evening of proper bosh and proper beer.

WHERE: Downstairs at Mason & Taylor, Bethnal Green Road (nearest tube: Shoreditch High St Overground station)
WHEN: 9pm-2am, Friday 19th August (TONIGHT)
WHAT: Chart bosh, 90s rave, euro bangers and more 2 Unlimited than you can shake a stick at.
WILL THERE BE NICE BOOZE: oh hell yes: http://www.masonandtaylor.co.uk/beer-menu

*** FREE ENTRY ***

There is a high probability that the works of one Mr K Saunderson (see above) will be incorporated.

(N.B. The ‘Big Fun’ video is one of my all-time favourites despite the dodgy animation - Paris Grey’s carefree celebration of dancing genuinely brings a tear to my eye. If I get just one person on the dancefloor tonight with the same look of joy on their face, then my work will be done.)