Wings (Kicker Conspiracy B-side, 1983)
AKA Brix’s Fun Night Out in Manchester!
BRIX: Mark, while it’s been fun sitting around in your flat in Prestwich for the last four months, why don’t we go out for the night and do something crazy? Just the two of us. Something rock’n’roll! We could go out dancing or take drugs or get on a bus where we don’t know where it’s going because the bus announcer lady hasn’t been invented yet?
MES: You are correkt, Brix — I shall show you the bright city lights-ah.
BRIX: Great! I’ll put on my best sequinned top and snazzy earrings. The North won’t know what’s Hit It!
[5 mins later]
BRIX: Mark, this is the pub round the corner.
MES: The lights are certainly bright-ah.
BRIX: And the rest of the band are here. Very romantic.
MES: Mine’s a Boddingtons.
BRIX: Fine. You can get the next bloody round.
MES: Let me tell you Brix, about the time I went to a shoppe. I should have kept the receipt-ah, for upon my return, the place I made the purchase no longer exissssted!
BRIX: (sighs) This is one of your time travel anecdotes, isn’t it Mark? I told you before, if you’d read E Nesbit’s Five Children And It you would know not to make rash decisions about aeronautical limbs from magical sources. At least those kids knew how to have a good shindig.
MES: I preferred Moondial-ah. The stately home makes her hit a time lock!
BRIX: If you like Helen Cresswell so much why don’t you go marry her.
If I owned a pub I would definitely get some wallpaper like that.